Grandsons: a Primer from Pa for Other Grandparents
From my years and years of experience as a grandfather, I offer to others similarly situated these telltale signs that your grandsons are verging on manhood:
1. When they give away their Pokemon cards and devote idle hours to shooting Krauts electronically.
2. When you feel obliged to explain that "poopy" is no longer an appropriate way to express displeasure; and that the "c" word is better than the "s" word in mixed (meaning adult and teenage) company.
3. When the phone caller asks for a grandson and it's a feminine voice on the other end and the invitation isn't to play football.
4. When the songs they download from the Internet have lyrics you don't understand and probably don't want to,
5. When the birthday presents are safety razors.
6. When you need more sleep than they do (which may mean not only that they are growing older, but you are too).
7. When you get up on Christmas morning earlier than they do.
Of course, adolescence is an in-between time, when grandsons are pulled in both directions, toward Barney, on the one hand, and Pink Floyd, on the other. A few telltale signs of this transitional period are:
8. When you have to tie the four-in-hand knot in their neckties for the school dance.
9. When you drive them and their dates to the movie theatre.
10. When you remind them to sit up straight at the dinner table and stop lapping up the rice from the bowl like a bichon, lest they embarrass themselves (and you) when dining at a friend's house.
11. When they get excited and don't know why.
12. When they cannot do their homework without Mom's help.
13. When they still want everything in the catalogue, only the catalogue is from Dell, not Toys 'R Us.
14. When they finally get up on Christmas morning, they must open presents before breakfast and trash the wrappers on their gifts faster than you can say "Merry Christmas."
M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S ! !
From a grandfather whose golden years have been burnished much brighter for spending them the last fourteen of them with twin grandsons.